Looking back on my first day.

As you can see, I've been busy on my computer again.  It really helped me focus on something other than food yesterday.  As I said in my previous bog, I wouldn't let the computer get in the way of exercising.  I didn't.  I got out there and walked twice accumulating 50 minutes at a moderately brisk pace.  Today I got up in a renewed frame of mind, feeling successful instead of feeling down in the dumps because I'd eaten everything but the kitchen sink the night before.  I hope I can keep those two feelings clearly in my mind because I think this is my AHA moment. 

Did I tell you that I became a lifetime WW member in 1993?  I lost thirty-five pounds on the old Selection Plan; way before the Points System was introduced.  I felt vibrant, strong, and proud of my accompishment.  I was walking 3 - 8 miles a day at a 4 mph speed so I'd also become fit and didn't have any jiggly bits anymore.  I had made a goal of losing weight and to be fit enough to climb a mountain.......not a really huge one requiring ropes and things, but a smallish one where hiking boots would suffice.  Little did I know the mountain I would have to climb wasn't going to be made of rock.  Our eldest son died suddenly and I spent the next 10 years climbing a mountain of grief.....up into the mountain then down into the valley only to have to climb all the way up again.  It was agonizing.  During this time, I lost myself and comforted myself with anything sweet and eventually regained the thirty-five pounds plus an additional five.  I returned to Weight Watchers five or six times, losing ten or so pounds, then find myself back on my "mountain"; give up an regain the weight again.  I finally said, "If I'm going to be fat, so be it; I don't care".  But inside I really did care and I kept trying over and over again and failing over and over again.  I think I have tried every reasonably sensible diet on the planet.

There is a saying "You are only a failure if you give up trying".  It's true isn't it?  It's been fifteen years since my son's death and I've been off my "mountain" for five.  I believe I've come full circle because somewhere in the back of my mind I knew Weight Watchers was the place I needed to be.  So here I am, not as young or as strong as I was...........but I'm here and going to give it my all and get this job done once and for all.